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I was doing a little research over on a woodworking forum and ran across this! Gail and I both had tears we were laughing SO hard

This little discussion made us laugh so hard, we almost lost our lunch. We knew it might be kind of strange when we saw the title: "using power tools in the kitchen." The woodworker who authored the piece did such a good job describing the situation, we thought we should print it substantially unchanged.​
"This afternoon I was foolishly left alone in the kitchen with a seemingly simple task: whip some cream.
It all started when I was attempting to whip some whipping cream into, oddly enough, whipped cream with a hand whisk, and it seemed to require far too much effort on my part. I am sure a Neanderthal would be quite happy with a hand whisk, but I was looking for a Normite way to get this done. Now I realize that most people have a power hand mixer, or what ever they are called, but I don't have one.
I started thinking, how much different could one of those things be from a router? All a hand mixer consists of is a motor with a Jacobs chuck- like socket for whisks. Now if you think you know where I am going with this, you are probably correct. I got out the dial calipers and the shaft of the hand whisk was exactly 1/4". Woo Whoo!my first problem was solved. I could use the standard 1/2" to 1/4" bushing. I go out to the shop and take my 3 1/4 HP Hitachi M12V out of the router table and go back into the kitchen. Using my 21mm and custom ground thin 23mm Craftsman wrenches, I chuck up the whisk. Next problem: speed. I measured the diameter of the business end of the whisk and consulted my router bit speed chart. It said I should use 18,000 RPM. The only question left was technique, clockwise or counter clockwise.
Since I was doing an inside cut, I decided to use the standard counter clockwise. I fired up the big green monster. Good thing the M12V has a soft start feature, because even with my elbows braced on the countertop, this is a heavy and unwieldy router to freehand in the air. Even then the torque was still more than I was prepared for and I almost lost it. OK, here we are, full power. There was a quick blur of chaotic white liquid filling the air, and as the blur subsided I quickly realized the bowl that previously held two cups of whipping cream was now virtually devoid of cream. I powered down the router. My face, glasses and upper body were covered in cream, as was two thirds of the kitchen. My better half, alerted by the unusual tool noise and loud cursing coming from the kitchen, walks in to ask just what the hell I thought I was doing. I wipe off, change clothes and come back to explain myself and clean up a very large mess.
Once I explained what I was attempting to the young lady, I thought she was about to become my ex-wife. She was standing in front of me with a look of such total disbelief. I was told that 18,000 rpm was a little too high for a whisk, and that a variable speed cordless drill would have been the correct choice of tool for this task. We were out of whipping cream at this point, so I will have to wait until after I have a chance to go to the store tomorrow to find out if the cordless drill works any better. Now that I think about it, it would seem like the drill press is the way to go."
There didn't seem to be much else to say, but the group did express some of its gratitude for the story and the cartoon-like image it conjured in our minds. Someone commented that he was going to have trouble explaining this to the Hitachi warranty people and someone asked him if he could find a way to use table saw kickback to gets a string of lights to the top of an old oak.
One person commented blithely on the safety issues of having the whisk come apart at fly in pieces around the room. Another woodworker, in the interests of pulling some learning point out of this experience, gave the recipe for correctly whipping cream (which should come in handy this holiday season).
A couple of brave souls admitted that they had made a meringue pie and whipping cream with a handheld power drill, the latter utilizing a paint mixer. On a technical point, someone did some research and found that the typical kitchen mixer runs at 1,000 RPM and that 18,000 RPM may have been a bit too much.
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